Archive for the ‘DIY’ Category

It is always an issue when I go into Home Depot.

I’m not saying this issue has anything at all to do with that fine establishment. It’s a chip on my own shoulder. I should just go in going, “WTFever.” But I don’t. I always go in stressed out that I’m going to be looked down on.

Unless I am in the middle of a project and on my fourth or fifth trip to return a part or get something I missed and I am beyond caring about anything other than getting the damn thing done, the issues always start with what I’m wearing. See, I want to look butch. But not so butch that people think, “Of course you’d shop here.” I want to look competent. But all my butchy clothes are winter wear. And it was too damn hot, yesterday, for that. So I had to wear capris (denim, of course), a tank, but I made sure to wear real shoes even though sandals would have been cuter coooler.

I went in to buy the toy I’ve been wanting for, like, ever, omg. My sliding compound miter saw. Oh, oh, you guys, she is so very pretty. Anyway, I got my shopping cart and headed in to get her. I greatly underestimated the amount of packaging that would go into such an amazing machine, however. So struggled to get the cumbersome box into, and finally settle for onto, the cart. But I was also picking up a miter saw stand. And this was a big bastard of a box, as well. After a quick sprint to Garden to get a flatbed cart, I load those bad boys up and I am off. But see, as I am loading the stand onto my cart, an employee stops briefly to slide the end of it the last, like, 4 friggin’ inches as he’s walking by with another lady. I thanked the guy, but I also kinda wanted to say, “Dude. I got it.”

When I went to check out, the cashier helped me pull the cart along, even after I said that it wasn’t heavy, just big. But, having been a cashier, I know it feels weird to just walk in front of a customer while they are pulling a big thing. So, ok, fine. I decline the offer of help out and head to my car.

Remember where I underestimated the size of the boxes? Yeah, my 90’s Corolla probably laughed as I walked up to it. I was able to slide the stand into the backseat, all smooth as silk. But the saw itself was just half-an-inch too big to go into my trunk. As I’m walking the box to my front seat, a cart guy runs up and asks if I need any help. I say, “Nah, I’m just Tetrising this into my car.” He still helps me the last little bit. I could have done it on my own. Honestly, if it had been heavy, I would have been fine with the help. But it wasn’t a “team-lift” item, ya know? Still, the guy helped me and thanked me for my business. All the employees were being nice, as they usually are. Just because I sorta half take them as possibly maybe “helping the little lady” is my issue.

Through the whole process I wanted to tell everyone who passed me, “These are mine. I’m Toysnot buying these for some husband or whatever. These are mine. I have wanted them, and I will use them. Because this big ass saw is mine. And, man, am I gonna cut and miter the crap outta stuff!”

I have issues. I come by them honestly, of course. But still, I wish I was cool enough to not worry about what other people are thinking.

Oh, and while shopping for my bad-ass power tools, I stopped to grab some paint. I spent 5 minutes deciding which color I wanted, contemplating the different shades on the color chips. I finally took my choice up to the counter and paint guy said, “You wanted the black, right?”
Uh, no, you barbarian. I wanted Cracked Pepper.”

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I’ve been in Home Depot and Lowe’s more times than I can count in the past couple of weeks and I am really, really tired of being jumped by solar sellers. I adore solar power and think it and wind power are the ways to go for our future electrical needs! I really do. But I am seriously tired of explaining to the dudes that I’m not able to do it right now. And because I’m not sporting a construction company t-shirt, I get hit every damn time I walk in. Ok, fine, I also don’t look like a contractor if you’re a narrow-minded douche pickle (and based in reality). So I’m The Mom and Homeowner who gets chased as soon as I walk in the door. Wait! Of course! I’ll just tell them I rent! Boom!
…but seriously, why do I gotta make up bail-out stories like I’m going out to a bar? Why can’t I just shop in peace?

And speaking of home improvement stores! Let me go on my yearly rant about Father’s Day and home improvement stores. Seriously, Home Depot and Lowe’s. Women like power tools, too. It’s a thing now, this gender equality in this new-fangled century. Why do I get flower sales for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day gets sales on all the cool toys?? Have either of you stores bothered to look at the badass women in home improvement? They have blogs where they show other women how to put in walls and rip out and replace bath tubs. We’re not just sewing decorative pillow cases, ya know? Mommy needs a dual bevel miter saw, bitches! The first store that recognizes this will have a mega following of devoted diy divas. I’m hoping it’s the Depot, but I bet you anything Lowe’s will cash in on this sooner.

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Power tools = Perfect toys

I’m currently embarking on phase two of a three phase kitchen redo. It’s mainly a lot of painting, but I’ll also be replacing my bar, adding another counter, and more shelving. I really want new toe-kicks for the bit under the cabinets. However, due to my unfortunate lack of big saws, I’ll have to have the Home Depot Dude cut my toe-kicks. I don’t want HDD to cut my toe-kicks, man! I wanna cut my toe-kicks. And my own shelving and counters, and hell, maybe I’ll get cray-cray and get some fancy damn moulding!

Just as I was coming to the decision that this is what I want, I came across this here video from a blog, Sawdust Girl, I newly discovered.

How to use a Miter Saw

Oh, yeah, I’mma gettin’ me a miter saw. I was just at the Depot today and was test driving some of these babies out. Me and the five-year old girl I was babysitting were putting them through their paces in the power tool aisle. Yeah, we did look pretty bad ass, me and her. We really liked a pretty little power horse of a Ryobi, who I’ve already given the name Ruby to. Ruby shall be mine soon. Oh, yes, she will be mine.

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