Anyone who has known me for about a year or longer probably knows that my body is jacked up. There are a lot of reasons for this, from exposure to toxins to chemotherapy to radiation to bad friggin’ familial genes, my body has always had malfunctions. But, you know, I’m still here so it’s all good.
However, I just saw my most recent blood work and it shows that I left pre-diabetes land and went into diabetes city.
I knew I was going to get diabetes. I have endocrine issues. I have insulin resistance. I’ve been pre-diabetic since I was a teen. This was expected even if I was working to keep it away. But when I saw the numbers I have to say I’ve been in a state of odd numbness with flashes of anger and despair.
I thought I’d have more time. I’m not yet 40. I really didn’t think it would hit this soon. I’m a bit overweight, but I’ve been more active this year than ever before. I just didn’t think I’d have to deal with it. I was focused on other issues. And yet, it’s those issues that were guaranteeing my diabetes. Everything I should eat to control my glucose is exactly the stuff I can’t eat if I want to avoid more trips to the ER to have a tube shoved in my nose to unblock my intestinal obstruction (brought to me by the scars from previous surgeries.) My gastroenterologist even said I was on the diabetes diet. But I still went off plan, carefully, working to get more complex carbs and veg into my diet.
This entire morning I’ve been trying to figure out what to do and yet not wanting to do anything. I feel stuck. I feel a bit hopeless which is battling with my need to do something. I see my health professional in a week. I’m told I’ll probably be put on medication.
So, I’m just sitting here, getting ready to go shopping for the week and wondering what I should do and also feeling like throwing in the towel and pouting. I’m tired of always having to deal with myself, with all my issues. I’m tired of facing a slow and painful death.
I just have to remember that I am here. I can say that. I am here. I am able to move. I can do that. Just gotta keep moving. Tons and tons of people have diabetes and deal with it. I can figure out how to deal with it too.
Anyone have any tips, advice, commiseration? How did you or others deal with the diagnosis?